Thursday, February 17, 2011

Dude, We're going to Die in the Baltimore Ghetto...

If you like Rock, you might like the song below. Fantastic band and very nice guys.

My first New Years here, my fabulously awesome friend, April flew out to spend my first DC metro New Years weekend with me. Also, she had booked us tickets to not one but 2 concerts (like I said, fabulously awesome) to 2 bands...Egypt Central and Bobaflex.

The first concert was the Friday she flew in. I scrambled out of work over to Reagan Airport. We rushed to the apartment of hell (another blog for later) and got ready. April decided I had to rock it up a bit so I put on a black shirt, cuz you, know, that's totally rock chic and my, what only can be described as hooker heels...4 inches of additional height for my short, squaty butt. However, as I was looking in the mirror deciding the shows look fabulous (20 bucks at yah!) there were two things that had not dawned on me. A) I haven't worn heels in a long time and B) last time I wore heels I was 50 pounds lighter...all that weight on the balls of my feet for 4 hours of concert? If you are imagining how this is going to turn out? Yes, I'm in the future with you also.

We jumped in the Roller Skate Van (RIP 9/30/10) and headed towards the Otto Bar in Baltimore @ 5:00 PM on the Baltimore Washington Parkway, another bright idea, but hey, the GPS told us to do it. Plus we were too busy getting caught up so we didn't notice that snails and turtles were passing us laughing. Then we got to the outskirts of Baltimore (still following the GPS) and got off on the exit she claimed was correct. We continued through a beautiful neighborhood and after about 20 minutes realized the housing was getting more and more desolate as we drove on. We were lost. To make matters worse, the GPS biotch decided that she was lazy and didn't feel like giving us directions anymore. Yup. Thanks. Thanks a lot. We drove in circles, two white girls in a sweet van with moon rims, and saw, I think 2 drug deals going down on corners and probably 5 or 6 prostitutes.

To make the fantastic fun of being lost extra special, we were starving. I hadn't eaten lunch and we hadn't had time to stop on the way. However, there was no effing way we were leaving this van until we found this bar. That is, until we saw the golden arches in the distance, shining brightly among the abandoned buildings, a beacon of hope and happiness for our poor stomachs. Granted we tried in vain to get the GPS to cooperate enough to find us an Applebees but again, FAIL. We pulled in and were greeted with a Mcdonalds counter behind bullet proof glass. 2 white girls. Sweet van. One dressed like a groupie (don't be rolling your eyes over there, April, you know it's true ;~) ) and the other in Black shirt rocker chic with a ghetto booty. To answer your question, yes, we were the action in the Mickey D's. I thought my ass was on fire at one point from all the eye balls beaming towards it. I did look around...yup, that is definitely a gun in the pocket. "Dude...we're going to die in the Baltimore Ghetto." My voice kind of carries because I'm partially deaf, so it came out a little louder. April jabbed me in the ribs, hissing "Shut Up!"

I guess I should interrupt and say that April and I are extremely paranoid. Painfully paranoid. So, an innocent bullet proof McDonalds might not have been as scary as we thought but paranoia kind of heightened our fear. Once our stomachs got taste of that delicious grease though, it was all good. We got back into the van and started up the GP Ho again. I guess she felt sorry for us because she started working correctly again and we made it to Otto Bar.....a hour early. W T F???

To Be continued (probably during American Idol)


  1. Wow, the blocked memories. Like seriously, I remember getting lost afterwords and not finding the hotel... but I completely blocked this whole episode out. I am wondering though, who was the groupie and who was in the black shirt with the ghetto booty? I have been classified as both in the past. And recalling the pictures of that night I was wearing my sparkly black disco-ball-y shirt.

  2. lol..I blocked the rest of it out pretty much which is why I couldn't continue. I do remember the GPS giving out again on the way home to from Baltimore. I was the black shirt ghetto booty. You had the sparkly top and your hair done.